Wednesday, February 25, 2015

he helped.


my uncle took his own life at 20 years old.

his brother hasn't stopped drinking since the day his best friend took a gun to his forehead. 

my mom was 17 and she said a part of her died that day.

my grandma lives with her sons death every day of her life.
been on 20 different types on anti depressants.

but anti depressants don't fix a life.

the pills may help for a moment but a few hours after the shallow the pain comes back again.


one life taken messes up many lives that are just trying to live.

i'm not saying it's selfish.

i'm saying it hurts.

a few hours after the swallow the pain comes back again.
but a few hours without pain is better than no hours.

my grandmas pills don't fix all her pain. 
but they help.

smiling at someone in the hallway sure doesn't fix their life.
but it helps.

i woke up with a bloody nose at 3am last night.
my dad got out of bed and hugged me and i can't remember the last time he did.
his hug didn't stop the blood from sliding down my throat.
but it helped.

and i didn't know him. I never talked to him once. I just knew that he had long blonde hair and he smiled at me in the hallway one morning. 

and i remember because the night before was a rough one

and his smile helped that moment in my day,

it helped.  

But I did know him. 

Our choir teacher in middle school told me I sang too quietly. That I didn't speak loud enough for anyone to hear.

And she told me that if I don't start to speak up people won't want to listen to me.

He leaned over and said "I love your voice."

I'll always remember that. 

I'll always remember them

And him

And the uncle that I've never met.

I still talk quietly

people tell me that I need to speak up all the time

But he heard me 

 he made me feel important 

He told me that he loved my voice


It didn't make me talk louder
It didn't change my voice 

But it helped

He heard me

He helped .









11 comments:

  1. This is beautiful. Any small thing can help. Well said.

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  2. I'm sick of trying to come up with words to describe how I feel. Let's just say I liked this. I cried. You are honest and your voice your voice your voice...

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  3. I still talk quietly

    This was so beautiful. Thank you
    people tell me that I need to speak up all the time


    But he heard me "

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  4. "But he heard me"
    this is so important. Thank you for this

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  5. Incredible. As always with you there is no words that can describe your talent of writing. Thank you for this, it helps.

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  6. Kailey this was probably the best I've read yet and these last 24 hours were long and heavy and this was good.

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  7. what a good memory to have of Terik. He loves your voice and I appreciate your writing.

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  8. I love this. Because it does help. This helped. Thank you.

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  9. Yes. Yes. Yes. Just yes. Loved this post. Thanks you this helped.

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  10. I just cried all over again for the fiftieth time today. this is so good. and I love this memory you have of him. beautiful kailee, just beautiful.

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