what it feels like to be human.

when you see the top of your fishing pole move. the feeling of a fish tugging on your line. when you are waiting patiently for that fish to swallow your bate. when that fish finally bites, when he finally swallows your bate, you start to hope. you are hoping while you reel in your line that the fish stays on it.

when you reel in your line to see that you have caught a fish,

                   that's what it feels like to be human.



The feeling you get when a plane blasts off. that feeling when the plane goes insanely fast. the feeling your whole body gets when the plane leaves the ground. you look out the little circle window and you're in the air.   

  you realize that you're literally flying. 

                   that's what it feels like to be human. 

when you are watching a movie with a boy and you find yourself placing your hand closer to his. you then wait patiently, hoping that he will hold it. 

when he finally touches your hand, when he finally holds it,

                       that's what it feels like to be human.



when you wake up and pull the string on your blinds to see what the weather is like that day. you pull the string down and see something that makes you smile. a fresh bed of white, fluffy snow on your backyard grass. 

when you see that first snow of the season,

                    that's what it feels like to be human. 



those moments when you are laughing so hard that your stomach is in so much pain. it's a pain like any other. 

that pain in your stomach from uncontrolled laughter, laughter you can't stop, laughter you don't want to stop because it feels so good. 

                    that's what it feels like to be human.



the day you will take your daughter skiing for the first time. you teach her how to do "pizza" with her skis and you take her to the top of the bunny hill. you see the fear in her little eyes as she starts to go down the hill. you can't help but smile because you remember what that felt like. you remember the fear you had in your eyes. 

you watch as she slowly makes it down the hill and you watch the fear leave her eyes as she shouts, "let's do that again!" 

          that's what I imagine it will feel like to be human.



The day you will see that little girl all dressed in white. You will see the excitement in her eyes. You will see the happiness float off of her long eyelashes. 

The little girl you raised, the little girl you taught how to ski is now ready to love someone else. You can't help but smile because that's when you will know you have truly succeeded. 

            that's what I imagine it will feel like to be human.

The day you will be laying on your bed, old, fragile but very happy. The day you will conclude your journey of life, your journey of becoming something, someone of purpose.

The day you will close your eyes for the very last time. The day you will look over to see your handsome, old but happy husband holding your fragile hands. The day you will look over at the man you still love. The day you will see him smiling at you with tears in his eyes as he says "I'll see you over there soon." 

                   
              that's what it will feel like to be human.        


                                     That's when I'll know I am human.

intro no. 2

intro no. 2.. i guess I'm already addicted to Paris.

i get my self esteem from a 7 year old orphan girl i met in Africa last summer. she looked me in the eyes and pointed at the zits on my face and smiled. she said "wow those are such pretty sprinkles, i wish i had those."

i talk about my dead dog too much. it's because that's truly the only experience I've had with death. i layed with her dead body for an hour sobbing. hoping that as my tears slid off my face and landed on hers that she would breathe again. sadly i learned it doesn't work. 

i can't whistle or make a taco with my tongue. i also can't wink. i have a double jointed toe though so i tell myself that makes up for it. i also can make a killer goat noise. 

i save everything. i saved the grape juice lid from the bottle we drank in our place way up in the canyon. 

i saved the red monkey a secret admirer gave to me on 5th grade valentines day. 

i kept a rock from the giant mountain of little rocks my cousin and i used to play in and called it "MOUNT ROCKY." we used to have the best imaginations back when we were 6. it's sad because when her family comes over, she doesn't even talk to me anymore. but even if she doesn't i'll always remember
                 MOUNT ROCKY .                                           
the tree house in my backyard is where my friend and i pretended to be jack and annie in the magic tree house. thank goodness those books were made. they taught me to imagine.

i always end up with 100 seashells after going to the beach. my mom tells me i'm bad at narrowing things down. i just didn't want any of the shells to feel left out.

i have names for every ornament on my Christmas tree. again, if i named just one then the rest would feel left out.   

oh and i just really hate Styrofoam. 

so there's some more about me.