the sister I never had.

when i think of death.
i think of her.

black hair with brown circles above her eyes.
she had 4 legs and shook her butt with attitude when she walked.

she was sort of a brat.

but the kind of brat the boys fell in love with.
the kind of brat who's fun to gossip with.

she ate everything.
she at all the gifts left on the front porch
my glove
my black heels
that bag of rolls
and she ate my reese's peanut butter cups from trick or treating.
every single one. and there was more than 30 because those are my favorite.


she was fat.

and i know she liked herself that way.

she got annoyed with my other dog.
she bit his face literally.
they were like brother and sister but she was embarrassed of him.
he was 2, she was 7.
and she was the queen.

she knew how to shake your hand and I would show everyone.
even the fed ex guy.

when i tapped my shoulders she jumped up and i held her paws as she danced on two legs.

she tilted her head when you said her name.
she tilted her head when I told her I hated my mom.
she tilted her head when I told her I kissed my friends ex.
she tilted her head when she wanted more treats.

she fell asleep on my lap everyday
 and we lied together on the pavement like we were sisters.

she was the sister i never had.


and that's what I miss most.

I didn't grow up with a sister. I grew up with a dog.
and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

she died peacefully.
on the backyard grass in her sleep,

the way i hope to die.

and yes she was a dog.
and yes i know you have lost your mom.
and you have lost your dad.
and your brother and your sister
and your best friend.

and my dog doesn't compare to any of your stories.

but she's my only experience with death.

and I'm scared for the experiences to come,

because i lied with her dead body 2 hours after she stopped breathing

hoping

as my tears fell off my cheeks and landed on hers that she would breathe again.

But sadly I learned that doesn't work.