he helped.

my uncle took his own life at 20 years old.

his brother hasn't stopped drinking since the day his best friend took a gun to his forehead. 

my mom was 17 and she said a part of her died that day.

my grandma lives with her sons death every day of her life.

been on 20 different types on anti depressants.

but anti depressants don't fix a life.

the pills may help for a moment but a few hours after the shallow the pain comes back again.

one life taken messes up many lives that are just trying to live.

i'm not saying it's selfish.

i'm saying it hurts.

a few hours after the swallow the pain comes back again.

but a few hours without pain is better than no hours.

my grandmas pills don't fix all her pain. 

but they help.

smiling at someone in the hallway sure doesn't fix their life.

but it helps.

i woke up with a bloody nose at 3am last night.

my dad got out of bed and hugged me and i can't remember the last time he did.

his hug didn't stop the blood from sliding down my throat.

but it helped.

and i didn't know him. I never talked to him once. I just knew that he had long blonde hair and he smiled at me in the hallway one morning. 

and i remember because the night before was a rough one

and his smile helped that moment in my day,

it helped.  

But I did know him. 

Our choir teacher in middle school told me I sang too quietly. That I didn't speak loud enough for anyone to hear.

And she told me that if I don't start to speak up people won't want to listen to me.

He leaned over and said "I love your voice."

I'll always remember that. 

I'll always remember them

And him

And the uncle that I've never met.

I still talk quietly

people tell me that I need to speak up all the time

But he heard me 

 he made me feel important 

He told me that he loved my voice

It didn't make me talk louder

It didn't change my voice 

But it helped

He heard me

He helped .